Tag Archives: Thich Nhat Hanh

How to Love by Thich Nhat Hanh

Summary
  1. Thich Nhat Hanh distills love to some of its core attributes and reminds us that we cannot possibly love others until we love ourselves, it takes understanding to love and that love is made of four key elements – loving kindness, compassion, joy and equanimity
Key Takeaways
  1. True love is made of four elements: loving kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity
  2. You can’t offer happiness until you have it for yourself
  3. We can also call it inclusivesness or nondiscrimination. In a deep relationship, there’s no longer a boundary between you and the other person
  4. True love cannot be without trust and respect for oneself and for the other person
  5. There are three kinds of intimacy: physical, emotional, and spiritual
  6. Loving someone doesn’t mean saying “yes” to whatever the other person wants. The basis of loving someone else is to know yourself and to know what you need
  7. True love gives us a lot of space. It is not possessive by any means
  8. True love includes a sense of responsibility and accepting the other person as she is, with all her strengths and weaknesses. If you only like the best things in a person, that is not love. You have to accept her weaknesses and bring your patience, understanding, and energy to help her transform.
  9. Other people’s actions are the result of their own pain and not the result of any intention to hurt you. A wrong perception can be the cause of a lot of suffering. This is why, whenever we have a perception, we have to ask ourselves if our perception is right.
  10. To love is, first of all, to accept ourselves as we actually are
  11. I think of our behavior in terms of being more or less skillful rather than in terms of good and bad. If you are skillful, you can avoid making yourself suffer and the other person suffer. If there’s something you want to tell the other person, then you have to say it, but do so skillfully, in a way that leads to less rather than more suffering
  12. One way we nourish our love is by being conscious of what we consume. Many of us think of our daily nourishment only in terms of what we eat. But in fact, there are four kinds of food that we consume every day. They are: edible food (what we put in our mouths to nourish our bodies), sensory food (what we smell, hear, taste, feel, and touch), volition (the motivation and intention that fuels us), and consciousness (this includes our individual consciousness, the collective consciousness, and our environment).
  13. Our individual consciousness is influenced by the collective consciousness of our environment. We absorb and reflect what is around us.
  14. We should practice in such a way that every moment is fulfilling. We should feel satisfaction in every breath, in every step, in every action
  15. Meditation consists of generating three kinds of energy: mindfulness, concentration, and insight
  16. The notions and ideas we have about happiness can entrap us. We forget that they are just notions and ideas. Our idea of happiness may be the very thing that’s preventing us from being happy. When we’re caught in a belief that happiness should take a particular form, we fail to see the opportunities for joy that are right in front of us.
  17. Live in a way that encourages deep happiness in yourself and others. You can vow to bring joy to one person in the morning and to help relieve the suffering of one person in the afternoon. Ask yourself, “Who can I make smile this morning?” This is the art of creating happiness.
What I got out of it
  1. Quick but hugely helpful read about what it means to love and what kind of mindset and qualities it takes to have true, deep and lasting love

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