My son's college football coach died suddenly. His lessons will live on

I was taking my puppy for a walk in the woods and my son called on the phone.

“Coach (Jim) Margraff died this morning,” Nick said.

I was stunned.

Margraff, the head football coach at Johns Hopkins, was just 58, and he had just finished the greatest season in school history.

Maybe, you don’t follow small college football. Maybe, you have never heard of this man, who was named the 2018 D3football.com National Coach of the Year. But he represented something important. Class and dignity. Honor and humility. Poise and perspective.

And we can learn something important from how he coached.

The Baltimore Ravens put out a statement about Margraff from coach John Harbaugh: “With tremendous class, leadership and determination, he inspired countless student-athletes.”

Class. Leadership. Determination.

Interesting.

That statement didn’t mention Margraff’s 14 conference titles, or 10 playoff appearances, or 221 wins over 29 years as a head coach at his alma mater in Baltimore, Md.

No, he was known for so much more than that.

How do you want to be remembered?

Sometimes, we lose perspective when it comes to college athletics. We only think about the wins and losses. We forget about how these college coaches change lives.

And I’m guilty of that as well.

Great coaches do more than win games. They inspire and motivate, taking teenagers and turning them into men and women. More than 460,000 student athletes compete in 24 NCAA sports every year. The vast majority do not play professional sports.

But the lucky ones go to school and get to play for a great coach, and maybe they don’t know it at the time, but their lives will be changed forever. They can take the lessons from all those games, all those practices, all those post-game talks, and apply it to life.

I was reminded of those things after reading countless tweets and Instagram posts about Margraff from coaches across the country, from his former players and my son’s teammates. Each one seemed to say something different, adding another layer of Margraff's story, while adding perspective about what makes a coach great.

“Coach Margraff has left us with decades worth of wisdom that we will all cherish. One of my favorite quotes is, ‘Your reputation is like a redwood tree, it takes hundreds of years to grow and only 15 minutes to knock down.’ Rest easy Coach, your reputation will stand forever.” — James Closser, a Hopkins junior.

“Jim Margraff was one of the finest men I’ve met in football. His uncommon decency, humility, and dedication to his program will not be forgotten by those who were fortunate enough to be around him.” — Mike Willis, Princeton assistant head coach.

As I read the posts, I started thinking about something bigger. About my own life.

How do you want to be remembered?

What do you want your legacy to be?

What is the point of life?

What can we learn from this coach?

More than anything, Margraff kept things in perspective. He said pressure is not playing in a football game — pressure is reserved for soldiers on a battlefield or surgeons in an operating room.

“Coach Margraff was not only the best coach I’ve ever had, but also one of the most incredible men I’ve ever met. Words cannot describe the impact you have had on my life and so many others.” -- Trevor Henigan, a Hopkins sophomore.

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During the NCAA playoffs, Hopkins was making a run to the semifinals — the greatest season in school history — and my son had to stay in Baltimore for practice over Thanksgiving. He is a freshman, just 18 years old, and it was his first holiday away from family.

Margraff checked with the players to make sure they were with a family for the day. My son had spent the morning with a teammate's family and decided to stay in his dorm and study along with another freshman. Margraff had none of that. He went to campus with his two sons and took Nick and the other player to dinner. He took time away from his own family to make sure his players were taken care of.

“I’m so grateful to have spent the last two years around you, learning from everything you did. I can only hope to be close to the man you were some day.” – Macauley Kilbane, a defensive back.

How do you want to be remembered?

What legacy do you want to leave in life?

What can you learn from this humble, thoughtful coach from Baltimore?

“His selfless and humble demeanor was infectious and made everyone around him a better person. Thank you for believing in me and every other one of your players the past 29 years. Pride and Poise, forever.” – Ryan Weed, a Hopkins sophomore.

I’ll remember Jim Margraff as a true champion on the football field, but more importantly, by how he shaped countless lives over 29 years.

And I’m grateful that my son was one of them.

Contact Jeff Seidel: jseidel@freepress.com. Follow him on Twitter @seideljeff. To read his recent columns, go to freep.com/sports/jeff-seidel/.